


Endgame

by LibraryMage



Series: Break Your Chains [33]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Ezra Bridger, Father-Son Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Major Character Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:12:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: When the Ghost crew attacks the Imperial dome, Kanan and Ezra are forced to make one final sacrifice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: mass destruction (bombing); references to hypothetical death

The bottom of Ezra’s stomach seemed to drop as he looked out the window at the Star Destroyer that loomed overhead.

“It’s right above us,” Hera said, presumably for Kanan’s benefit.  “If we launch now, we’ll crash into it and destroy the city.”

“Chopper,” Ezra said, “put me through.”

“Ezra --”

“I know what I’m doing,” Ezra said, cutting off Kanan’s warning.

He glanced over at Ahsoka, who stepped behind a computer terminal where she would be out of sight.  She at least was a trick no one knew they had up their sleeve.

Ezra stepped forward as the image of Grand Admiral Thrawn appeared.  He didn’t need to look to feel Kanan standing just behind him, silently backing him up.

“It’s over, Thrawn,” Ezra said.  “Governor Pryce is our prisoner and we have every Imperial trooper, pilot, and officer trapped.  Leave Lothal now and we might let them out before we blow the dome to pieces.”

“Are you finished?” Thrawn asked, his voice flat, almost bored.  “If you truly wish to save Lothal, the only term I’ll accept is the immediate and unconditional surrender of you and your master.”

“Why would we surrender when we have your entire army prisoner?” Ezra asked.

“All you’ve done is move my assets to a safe position so that I can bombard the civilians of your home without incurring Imperial casualties,” Thrawn said, that smug smile twitching across his features.

“No.”

“Rex, raise the planetary shields!” Sabine said, frantically looking back at him.

“The generators just went offline,” Rex said.

“Your shield generator is under my control,” Thrawn said.  “And just so you know my intentions are genuine…” his eyes shifted to something out of view of the transmitter.  “Open fire.”

“No!”

Ezra could see the blasts erupting from the _Chimaera’s_ cannons, hurtling down toward the city.  The image of Thrawn vanished, replaced by footage from a security camera or surveillance droid on a street.  Ezra could only stand there, helpless to stop it, as he watched a building collapse under a direct hit, saw people running, searching for shelter or fleeing buildings that could be bombed at any second, being thrown back by blasts that opened up craters in the streets.

“Enough!” Kanan said, his hand closing around Ezra’s shoulder, holding on tightly.  “I’ll surrender.”

The security footage faded as Thrawn’s face came back into view.

“I’ll surrender,” Kanan repeated.  “Just me, if you stop the bombing and let Ezra go.”

“I’m afraid this isn’t a negotiation,” Thrawn said.  “Either you both surrender, or I will turn this city into ash.”

“I’ll do it,” Ezra said, his throat tightening as he spoke.  “I’ll surrender, too.”

“I await your arrival,” Thrawn said.  “And if anyone else comes with you, or you attempt any heroics, I will resume the bombardment of the city.”

As the transmission ended, Ezra felt Kanan’s hand grow tighter on his shoulder.

“Ezra, you’re not doing this,” he said.

“You heard him,” Ezra said as he shrugged Kanan’s hand away and turned to face his master.  “He’ll destroy the city.  What’s the point in destroying the dome if we get everyone else killed?”

“There has to be another way,” Hera said.

“What if there isn’t?” Ezra asked.  “What if Thrawn decides we’ve had enough time and starts bombing the city again while we were trying to find a way around this?”

He looked up at Kanan, knowing if anyone would understand, it had to be him.  He always did.

“You told me we have to be ready to sacrifice for something bigger,” he said.  “This place is my home.  It’s the last place I was ever really safe.  It’s what my parents fought and died for.  And if I have to hand myself over to Thrawn to save it, then I will.  That’s what you taught me to do.”

“I won't let the two of you just walk in there to die,” Hera said, crossing her arms as she moved to stand between them and the doorway, Chopper rolling up next to her to back her up, and the looks on Zeb and Sabine’s faces making it clear they agreed.

“If we can get that Star Destroyer out of your path, you can launch the dome,” Kanan said.  “It’s worth the risk.”

“And how exactly are you planning to do that?” Hera asked.

“Air ducts,” Ezra said.  “I can get to one, reach the bridge, and clear your path.”

“Assuming they don’t kill you immediately,” Hera said.

“We don’t have a choice,” Ezra said, his voice breaking.  “He’s going to destroy the city and maybe the planet, and kill all of you.  If there’s even a chance to stop it, I have to take it.”

He removed his lightsaber from his belt and held it out to Hera.

“Take it,” he said.  “I don’t want Thrawn getting his hands on it.”

Slowly, knowing there was nothing she could say to convince him, Hera reached out and took his weapon.  Kanan stepped forward, holding his own lightsaber toward her.

“Now I have to come get this back from you,” he said, forcing a small smile onto his face.

“Please don’t do this,” Hera said, even as she took Kanan’s weapon.

Kanan pulled her into a tight hug.  Hera slid her arms around him, clinging to him like she wasn’t going to let go.  When they finally pulled away from each other, Ezra could have sworn he saw the gleam of tears in both of their eyes.

“You ready?” Kanan asked.

“Yeah,” Ezra said.  “Let’s go.”

As they left the main control room, the door sliding shut behind them, Ezra let his shoulders drop.  He didn’t bother putting on a show of bravery now.  The others weren’t there and he knew Kanan could sense his fear.

“You don’t have to do this,” Kanan said.

“Yes, I do.”

Kanan slid an arm around Ezra’s shoulders as they walked.

“I love you,” he said.  “No matter what happens, don’t forget that.”

“I won't,” Ezra said.  “I -- I love you, Dad.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: references to past character death; torture of a child; Sidious being his usual self

When Kanan and Ezra reached the _Chimaera_ , they were greeted by the sight of blasters pointing at them as they stepped off the troop transport and into the hangar.  Ezra stayed perfectly still, only moving to look over at Kanan, as he was roughly patted down before his hands were cuffed in front of him.

Two stormtroopers each gripped one of Ezra’s arms and began to lead him away.  Ezra’s chest tightened as he realized that Kanan was being led in another direction.  It was suddenly too much, too _real_ , and he couldn’t breathe.  The Imperials hadn't already killed them, which could only mean they were both going to be imprisoned or tortured and he was going to have to go through it alone _again._

Ezra wrenched himself away from the stormtroopers to face Kanan.

“Dad!” he called.  He didn’t even know what he wanted to say.  He just wanted to see him before…he didn’t know what.

Just as Kanan turned his head to look back at him, one of the stormtroopers grabbed Ezra again while the other slammed their blaster into his spine.  Ezra stumbled and cried out as the troopers dragged him away from Kanan.  Ezra struggled, but within moments, they’d turned a corner and Kanan was out of sight.

Ezra’s heart hammered as he was led to a door and shoved through it, stumbling into a dimly-lit room where Thrawn sat behind a desk.

“It was a wise decision for you to surrender,” Thrawn said as he stood up, that infuriating grin on his face once again.

“I didn’t have much choice,” Ezra said.

“You could have chosen to let your people die,” Thrawn said, sounding for all the galaxy like he really believed that was a choice.  “However, you chose to be a Jedi.  You follow their history of choosing what they believe to be morally correct instead of what is strategically sound.”

“And yet the Jedi have survived,” Ezra said.  “No matter what the Empire’s done to try and destroy us, we’re still here.  And as long as we are, you’ve lost.”

“The Jedi once numbered in the thousands,” Thrawn said.  “What’s left are a scattered, frightened lot, mostly beaten and in hiding, or poorly-trained children like yourself.”

“I’m better trained than you think.”

“You’re referring to your former master?” Thrawn asked.  “It’s ironic.  He gave you power that might have given you the ability to save your city without sacrificing yourself, but you ran away from it for a Jedi.  For all their abilities, the Jedi have always lacked the vision to wield their power, and it seems you’re the same.”

“The Force isn’t a weapon,” Ezra said.  “But you’ll never understand that.”

“I don’t have to,” Thrawn said.  “It was not my intention to utterly destroy Lothal, but that it inevitable now.”

He stepped forward, walking past Ezra and coming to a halt in front of a slab of stone that bore one of the starbird symbols Sabine had left throughout the city.

“These are a few of the artifacts I’ve gathered from your home world,” he said.  “I saved what I could.”

Ezra gritted his teeth, rage coiling tightly in his chest at Thrawn’s implying that he was doing Lothal a favor by “saving” art before he destroyed the planet itself.

“You think you can just take whatever you want,” Ezra spat.  “You don’t deserve to have this art or Lothal.”

“Who deserves what is irrelevant,” Thrawn said, rounding on Ezra.  “What matters is who has power.  But that is something the Jedi won't teach you, so I’ll take you to someone who will.”

He placed a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, gripping tightly enough that Ezra could feel bruises forming as Thrawn forced him through the door and down a corridor to a lift.  Thrawn kept his too-tight grip on Ezra as the lift descended, the air growing colder with each passing second.  It wasn’t just cold.  It was the relentless, all-consuming cold of the dark side, sinking under Ezra’s skin, into his bones.  By the time the lift door opened, Ezra could barely breathe.  The air was thick with the cold and darkness.

Ezra stumbled as Thrawn forced him to start walking, pushing him into a dark, cavernous room.  At the far end of the room was a structure made of stone, something that didn’t belong on a Star Destroyer.  Ezra recognized it immediately as part of the Jedi temple.  And just in front of if stood a hooded figure.  He wasn’t close enough for Ezra to see his face, but Ezra knew instinctively who he was.  He’d seen the same figure in the portal where he’d seen the vision of his parents.  And now he was here on Lothal.

Ezra stopped in his tracks, his heart turning to ice as his instinctive fear of and hatred for the man who stood before him took over.  Thrawn pushed Ezra forward only a few more steps, as if to make a point, that Ezra held no power here.

“My Emperor,” Thrawn said, finally releasing his painful grip on Ezra’s shoulder.  “I have brought you Ezra Bridger.”

“My dear boy,” the hooded figure said, the words somehow managing to sound like a threat.  “I have so wanted to meet you.  And here you are at last.”

Ezra clenched his jaw, glaring at Sidious as he drew closer, reminding Ezra of a wolf stalking its prey.

“That will be all, Grand Admiral,” he said.

Thrawn turned and left, leaving Ezra alone with the man he hated more than anyone in the galaxy.

“Stay back,” Ezra growled, taking a step backward.  In all his life, he’d never felt anger as powerful as he felt now, as he faced the man who’d betrayed Maul, who’d destroyed the Republic, who was responsible for his parents’ deaths.

“I know who you are,” he said.  “And what you are, and I’m not afraid of you.”

It was a lie.  A lie Ezra knew wouldn’t be believed.  He’d always known this day would come, ever since Maul had first told him what the Emperor really was.  But when he’d imagined this moment, he’d been at Maul’s side.  The two of them were supposed to do this together.  But now Maul was dead by his hand, and Ezra was alone, and he was afraid.

“I simply wish to offer you an opportunity,” Sidious said, every word feeling like a blaster held to the back of Ezra’s head.

“Why would you offer me anything?” Ezra asked.  “I’m a Jedi, and I know you know what I used to be.”

“I’m well aware that you were trained by my _former_ apprentice,” Sidious said.  “I’m sure he taught you to hate me.  But you should be thanking me.”

“For what?” Ezra growled.  “For destroying the temple?  For imprisoning my people?  For killing my parents and betraying my master?!”

“You were the one who destroyed the temple,” Sidious said.  “And Maul’s fate was sealed from the moment he was born.  As for your parents, allow me to show you what might have been, and what yet may be.”

“Ezra!”

The voice echoed out of the doorway salvaged from the temple.  His mother’s voice.

Ezra took a step toward the fragment of the temple, as if he’d been yanked forward, compelled by the sound of his mother’s voice.  He stood at the very edge of the doorway, peering into the tunnel beyond it.  At the far end of the tunnel, she was there.  Her back was turned to him, but it was _her_ , standing in the kitchen of what used to be their home.  Ezra shook his head as he watched his father enter the room.

“No,” he said.  “This is a lie.  They’re dead.  I felt it happen.”

“And now you have a chance to change their fate.”

“No,” Ezra said again.

There was no reason for Sidious to offer him this.  Not unless he had something to gain from it.  He knew perfectly well that Sidious was cruel and manipulative, and would never do something that didn’t benefit himself in some way.  He just wanted Ezra to open the gateway for him, to give him access to the world beyond it.

All of it was a lie.  None of it was real.

“Just open the gateway, and you can be reunited with them.”

Ezra took a few steps forward, farther into the tunnel.  If he didn’t do this, he knew Sidious would probably just kill him.  Before he died, he just wanted to see their faces one more time, even if it was an illusion.

As he drew closer, they turned to face him, and he froze in his tracks.

“Ezra?” his father asked, extending a hand toward him, as if to help him through the door.  “Are you coming?”

Ezra looked down at the binders around his wrists.  With a simple nudge through the Force, he opened them, letting them fall to the floor at his feet.

“Mom,” he said, his voice shaking as he looked back up at the vision of his parents.  “Dad.  I’m sorry.”

He reached out, feeling every crack and weak point in the stone around him and pushed, throwing all his strength behind the action, tearing the remnants of the temple apart.  As chunks of rock fell around him, he turned and ran, shoving his way past Sidious.

Ezra stumbled and fell to the ground.  As he looked back, he saw nothing but a pile of rubble.  He stood up, taking a moment to stare in disbelief.  Was it at all possible that he’d just killed Sidious?  That after all these years of training and torment, he’d really done it?

The rocks began to shift and Ezra took a step back as a chunk of stone lifted into the air and was thrown aside.  As Sidious emerged from the wreckage, Ezra silently cursed himself.  Of course he hadn't killed him.  Why had he thought he was powerful enough to do so?

Knowing that there was no use in running now, Ezra glared defiantly at the Sith Lord.

“I have a family,” he said.  “I don’t need anything from you.”

Sidious’s fury pressed in around Ezra, like the air itself was trying to smother him.  It was so much more overwhelming and terrifying than Maul’s had ever been.

“So be it, Jedi,” Sidious said, hissing the final word like a curse.

Moving fast enough to blur, Sidious drew his lightsaber, the blade’s bright red glow cutting through the darkness.  Ezra dropped and rolled out of the way as the blade arced toward his neck.  As he got back to his feet, he felt the ship jolt and rock hard enough that he stumbled, and smiled to himself.  His backup plan was working.

He reached out one hand, focusing on one of the larger chunks of stone that lay behind the Emperor, wrenching it forward through the air, hurtling directly toward Sidious.  He pivoted, his lightsaber slashing the boulder in two before he sent both burning chunks of rock flying toward Ezra.  Ezra deflected one as he dodged out of the path of the other, frantically searching for anything he could use as a weapon.

The air closed around Ezra’s throat as he was lifted off the floor and thrown back against the wall.  He heard something snap and a sharp pain burst through his back and his side just before he was pulled forward again and hurled against the floor.

Ezra looked up just in time to see the red blade slashing down through the air toward him.  He threw himself to the side just before it would have sliced into his back.  As he stumbled to his feet, Sidious brought the blade around again in a backhanded slash.

Pain burst across Ezra’s chest, powerful enough that his vision blurred and he collapsed to his knees, barely able to breathe.  He saw the flash of the red blade in the air above him and threw out his hand, shoving Sidious just far enough away from him that his lightsaber cut through empty air.

Ezra dragged himself backward, even though he knew it was useless.  He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t _think_ , he could barely move.  He didn’t stand a chance.

A sharp, crackling sound filled the air and less than a second later, blue-white light burst to life around Ezra.  Now he couldn’t breathe at all and he realized seconds later that it was because he was screaming as pain unlike anything he’d ever felt ripped through his body.

The pain stopped, the light died, and Ezra collapsed against the floor, gasping for air, tears forming in his eyes.

_No, no, no,_ he thought, knowing the only reason the pain had stopped was so that he stayed alive and conscious to feel more of it.  _Just kill me.  Please just do it._

It was only seconds before the lightning raced across Ezra’s body again.  He couldn’t struggle against it.  He couldn’t move under his own power anymore.  All he could do was scream.

Ezra collapsed again, his breath no longer coming in sharp gasps, but in slow, agonizing gulps of just enough air to keep himself from passing out.  He didn’t want it.  He _wanted_ to pass out.  He knew his death was going to be painful, and he didn’t want to be awake for it.

He heard a voice in the distance shouting something, heard footsteps and saw a shadow drawing toward him, felt hands on his shoulders.  He wanted to scream at whoever it was not to touch him, to get away, to just kill him already, but he couldn’t.  The words didn’t seem to exist anymore.  Nothing did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...yep, Ezra had to deal with him in person


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: torture of a child; major character injury

“Dad!”

As Kanan tried to pull away from the stormtroopers, tried to face Ezra, to reach out to him, to do _something_ , he heard the _crack_ of a blaster striking someone and Ezra’s cry of pain.

“Ezra!” he called.

He fought to break free, but the stormtroopers held him back as Ezra was dragged away from him.

“Get moving,” one of the stormtroopers said as he shoved Kanan forward.

As they turned a corner, Kanan steeled himself for what he knew he had to do, waiting for the right moment as he was led down another corridor.  He was _not_ going to let Ezra be taken from him, locked away and tortured, while he couldn’t do anything to save him.  Not again.

He reached out through the Force, throwing the stormtroopers on either side of him into the walls.  As one of the troopers began to move, Kanan kicked them in the head, knocking them out.  The other stayed still, already unconscious.

Kanan took the blaster from the stormtrooper he’d hit and closed his eyes, even though it changed nothing, reaching across his bond with Ezra, searching for his padawan.  He found Ezra, far away, a soft light flickering as darkness closed in around him, trying to snuff him out.  He was hurting and terrified and alone, and Kanan had to reach him.

As he moved through the corridor, following the pull in his chest that led him toward Ezra, two stormtroopers rounded the corner ahead of him.  They barely had time to react before Kanan fired twice, not bothering to switch the weapon to stun as he shot them both.  As they dropped to the ground, Kanan stumbled into the wall beside him as the ship jolted and shook.  Kanan paid it no attention and kept moving.  The most important thing now was getting to Ezra.

He stuck to side corridors, avoiding contact with Imperials whenever possible.  He knew it would take longer, but it would mean less risk of someone stopping him before he could reach Ezra.

_Down._

It wasn’t a voice in his head.  It was more like a compulsion or instinct, urging him to follow it.  For all he knew, it was Ezra himself, calling Kanan to him.  Knowing he should listen, Kanan quickly stepped into the next lift he reached.  As the lift descended, a sound echoed through the elevator shaft beneath him.  Kanan’s hands clenched into fists.  He couldn’t do anything to make the lift move any faster.  All the could do was wait and listen to his son’s terrified, agonized screams.

It felt like hours before the lift door opened.  Ezra’s screams now rang in Kanan’s ears, nearly drowning out Kanan’s own thoughts, as electricity crackled in the air.

"No!" Kanan shouted.  He didn't need to see what was happening and wouldn't have needed to hear Ezra's screams to know that Ezra was terrified and in pain, desperate for escape or death, but unable to save himself.

Kanan reacted instinctively, following the same instinct that had led him to his place.  He reached out through the Force, seizing something large and heavy, something like a stone, and hurling it toward the dark shadow that was hurting his son.  He knew this darkness.  It was the darkness of someone consumed completely by the dark side of the Force, but this was deeper and more twisted than Kanan had ever sensed before.  This had to be Sidious.

Kanan shoved through the Force, knocking the Sith Lord back as he dragged another stone forward.  With Sidious briefly incapacitated, Kanan lifted Ezra into his arms, throwing the boy over his shoulder, and did the one thing he could do.  He ran, pushing himself harder than he could ever remember as he carried his son to safety.

Once they were safely inside the lift, Kanan tightened his grip on the blaster in his hand, preparing for any resistance he would face when he exited.  The ship rocked and jolted again, and Kanan could hear Ezra vaguely muttering something incoherent.

“It’s okay,” Kanan said, not even knowing if Ezra was in any state to hear and understand him.  “You’ll be okay.”

As the lift door opened, Kanan rushed forward, finding the ship in chaos.  Stormtroopers, officers, and pilots were panicking, though Kanan couldn’t be bothered to figure out why.  His focus had to be completely on getting Ezra out of here safely.

Letting himself disappear into the chaos, Kanan rushed for the escape pods.  He pushed Ezra into a pod and climbed in behind him, quickly sealing it.  For a moment as he tried to launch, nothing happened, the small engine shuddering before it burst to life, launching away from the Star Destroyer.

As they launched, Kanan could sense the presence of something strangely familiar.  Something alive but non-sentient, which a strange and vague connection to the Force.  It couldn’t be.  What would have brought them here?

“Is this you?” he asked, reaching back and gripping Ezra’s hand.

Ezra gave no response.  His hand didn’t even tighten around Kanan’s.  His heart pounding, Kanan shifted his grip so his fingers were pressed against Ezra’s wrist.  His pulse was still there, shallow and rapid, but present.

“Just hang on,” Kanan said.

Before he could say another word, the escape pod jolted as something hit the side of it.  Kanan reached for the controls, trying to stabilize the small craft as it spiraled off course, hurtling toward the ground.  But whatever had hit them had to have caused more than just surface damage, because Kanan couldn’t regain control.  The escape pod just kept falling, and all Kanan could do was brace himself.

The escape pod struck the ground, finally skidding to a halt after rolling twice.  Kanan shoved himself away from the controls and reached out, feeling around the small space for Ezra.  He found him quickly, still unconscious, not even having realized what had just happened.  Kanan felt for his pulse again, only to find that nothing had changed.

“Come on,” Kanan said, sliding an arm around Ezra, hefting the kid onto his back as he made for the hatch.

Kanan was already breathing heavily by the time he shoved the hatch open and stumbled out into open air.  He turned his head in every direction, as if he would find some indication of which direction he needed to go.  He’d had no control over where they landed, and only knew that they weren’t in the city.  He just knew they couldn’t stay put.  If the Imperials searched for them, the wreckage would be the first place they looked once they realized they’d taken an escape pod and managed to track it.

So Kanan was forced to pick a direction and start moving, half-carrying, half-dragging Ezra with him.  He’d only been walking for a few minutes before Ezra let out a quiet groan.  For a moment, hope sparked to life in Kanan’s chest as he thought Ezra might be waking up.  That hope was snuffed out almost immediately as Ezra somehow managed to go even more limp than before, sliding out of Kanan’s grip and falling to the ground.

“No!” Kanan said, kneeling down beside Ezra, clutching his shoulder and shaking him.  “Ezra!  Come on, don’t do this to me, kid, _please!_ ”

His voice broke as Ezra continued to lay there, completely unresponsive.

A sound reached Kanan’s ears, something moving through the grass behind him.  He instinctively reached for his lightsaber, only to realize he didn’t have it.  He reached out through the Force, searching for the source of the noise, feeling for any life force or movement nearby.  For a moment, there seemed to be nothing, and then he felt it.  A loth-wolf, drawing closer and closer.  Kanan shifted so he was facing it, trying to shield Ezra with his own body, even though he knew it was useless.  He knew how big loth-wolves were.  Ezra had told him and he could feel this one in the Force and knew it was large enough to knock him aside with little effort.

Kanan extended a hand, reaching out with his mind, trying to make the wolf understand they weren’t a threat, they weren’t prey, they weren’t anything it needed to pay attention to.  Still, the loth-wolf closed in on them, and Kanan reached back with his other hand, gripping Ezra’s hand tightly just before the wolf brushed past him.

“Leave him alone!” Kanan said as the loth-wolf drew closer to Ezra.

The wolf ignored him, and for a moment, it just stood there, and Kanan realized it was watching Ezra.  Slowly, it lowered its face and began to nudge at Ezra with its nose.  Kanan realized it wasn’t going to hurt Ezra, it was _checking_ on him.

“Please,” Kanan said, not having the faintest idea if the loth-wolf could understand him.  “Help him.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: references to hypothetical death; medical stuff

Officially speaking, Kanan and Ezra were dead.  After escaping the Star Destroyer, their escape pod had malfunctioned and crash landed, killing both of them on impact.  The only people who knew the truth were the crew of the _Ghost_ and the two doctors who were supervising Ezra’s care as he recovered from his injuries.  Even Ahsoka and Rex hadn't been told yet.  Kanan hadn't wanted to tell them until they knew for sure that Ezra would make it.  As he sat by Ezra’s bedside, holding the unconscious boy’s hand, Kanan finally began to wonder if it was time to tell them.

For just less than three weeks, Ezra had been in a bacta tank.  Just a day ago, he’d finally been removed from it, and it hadn’t taken him long to start breathing on his own.  But he was still unconscious, and the doctors didn’t know when he would wake up.  It could happen at any time, but it wouldn’t happen until it happened.

“This isn’t fair,” Kanan said quietly.

“Hmm?” Hera mumbled, lifting her head from his shoulder.

She’d dozed off beside him shortly after arriving to visit Ezra, leaning on Kanan for support.  He couldn’t blame her.  She’d been running herself ragged since the battle.  The only reason Kanan hadn't been with her was because he was supposed to be dead, and because they’d wanted someone to stay with Ezra, just in case he woke up.  Or in case he died.

“It isn’t fair,” Kanan said.  “He’s been through too much.”

“I know,” Hera said.  “But look what he has to come back to.”

Her hand slid around his, gripping tightly.  Kanan knew she was right.  Lothal was free.  Ezra’s plan with the purrgil had worked.  They’d rammed the _Chimaera_ out of the path of the dome, causing enough damage that the ship’s outer hull had cracked, tearing away part of the ship itself.  That piece had been dragged with the purrgil as they flew off into hyperspace.  With the destruction of the _Chimaera_ and the dome, the majority of Lothal’s Imperial presence had been wiped out.  In the weeks since, they had been preparing for retaliation, but so far, none had come.

For now at least, Lothal was free.  Kanan tried to take comfort in knowing that Ezra was going to live to see it, but that didn’t make what had happened any easier to live with.  Ezra had been attacked, injured, put into a coma, brutalized and nearly killed yet again; just another hurt in a life that had been almost nothing but pain.  It wasn’t fair that all of this had happened to Ezra.  He was still just a kid.

Beside him, Kanan felt Hera sit up straighter, suddenly alert and attentive.

“How long was I asleep?” she asked.

“A while,” Kanan said.  “You needed it.”

“Well, now I need to go,” Hera said.  She leaned in and slid her arms around his chest, holding him tightly for a moment before releasing him.

“He’ll be alright,” she said.  “He’s out of the woods now.”

She stood up and Kanan heard the fabric of her clothing rustling as she leaned down and gently kissed Ezra’s forehead.  Her hand brushed Kanan’s shoulder as she left the room.

Kanan shifted so he was at the edge of his seat, bringing himself closer to Ezra and releasing his tight grip around the kid’s hand.  He moved his hand to Ezra’s forehead, gently running his fingers through Ezra’s hair.

“Please come back to us,” he said.  “Please.”

* * *

 

Ezra’s eyes were barely open, and he couldn’t even see the person sitting beside him, holding a hand to his forehead and gently stroking his hair.  They were a vague blur floating in a sea of nothingness.

“Please come back,” a familiar voice said, echoing and distorted in Ezra’s head as if it was coming from the other end of a long, dark tunnel.

“Dad?” he muttered.

The hand in his hair froze, going tense for a moment before relaxing.

“Dad?” Ezra said again.  Had his voice always been this weak?

“Yeah,” the voice said.  “I’m here.  I’ve got you.”

Ezra’s eyelids drooped again, falling closed as he took comfort in his father’s presence and let himself slip back into the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: major character injury; medical stuff

As Ezra slowly opened his eyes, he saw a blank white ceiling above him.  He could faintly hear the steady _hum_ of something electronic nearby.  There was someone in the room with him, someone who felt familiar.

“Kanan,” he said, barely able to get his voice to work.

“Hey,” Kanan said, gripping his hand.  “I’m here.  It’s okay.”

“Kanan,” Ezra said again.  “The others.  They need --”

“Shh,” Kanan said, his hand tightening around Ezra’s.  “It’s okay, Ezra.  It’s over.”

“It’s…” Ezra’s voice trailed off as he struggled to understand what Kanan was saying.  As things started to click into place, a spark of hope burst to life in his chest.

“Is he dead?” Ezra asked.  If he'd managed to kill Sidious, then it was  _over._   The Empire, the war, everything.

“No,” Kanan said.  “But it’s over for Lothal.  We won.”

“We…” Ezra’s voice trailed off again.  “We were on the _Chimaera_ and…”

“I know,” Kanan said.  “We escaped together, but you were hurt.”

Ezra nodded, unable to make himself verbally acknowledge Kanan’s words.  He pulled his hand out of Kanan’s grip, bracing his hands on the bed he was lying on and trying to sit up.  He managed to move a few inches before a wave of pain crashed over him and he cried out.

“Easy,” Kanan said, putting a hand on his shoulder.  “You’ve been badly injured and you shouldn’t try to move too much yet.”

Ezra looked down to see a scar running vertically down his chest.  As Ezra ran his fingers along it, the memory came flooding back.  Sidious’s lightsaber slashing down his chest.  Lightning flashing in the air, encasing Ezra’s body while he screamed and couldn’t breathe and Kanan wasn’t there and…

“Where are we?” Ezra asked, forcing himself to speak in the hopes that focusing on something else would drive the memories from his head.  As he spoke, he glanced around.  The room was small, unremarkable, with bare white walls and no windows.

“A medcenter in the city,” Kanan said.  “We got away in an escape pod.  I crashed and…you’re not going to believe this, but a loth-wolf helped us.  Carried us into the city.  It wanted to help you.”

Ezra narrowed his eyes, trying to remember, but his mind was blank.  The last thing he remembered was the lightning.  As if cued by the memory, pain radiated through his body again.  Ezra groaned, slumping back against the bed.

“Are you alright?” Kanan asked.

“It hurts,” Ezra said, his voice breaking.

“Here,” Kanan said, trying to hand Ezra the trigger that he knew would release a dose of painkillers into his IV.  “These should help.”

“No,” Ezra said, shaking his head.  He was so exhausted that he knew the drugs would just put him back under again.  “Not yet.  I -- I don’t want to go back to sleep yet.”

As he said it, another question struck him.  He looked down at his chest, examining the scar again, realizing that there were no bandages over it.  It appeared to be mostly healed, formed into an actual scar, not a wound that was only beginning to scar over.

“How long was I out?” he asked.

“You were in a bacta tank almost three weeks,” Kanan said.  “They took you out of it two days ago.”

Ezra slid down until he was actually lying down again, suddenly too exhausted to keep trying to hold himself up.

“Is it really over?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“It is,” Kanan said.  “Lothal is free, Ezra.  And you made it happen.”

Ezra reached out, trying to take Kanan’s hand again, but the strain of doing so sent another wave of pain through his arm, his shoulder, his chest, somehow his _head_.  He gasped and pulled his hand back to his side.

“You sure you don’t want painkillers?” Kanan asked.

“Now I do,” Ezra muttered.

Kanan placed the trigger in his hand and Ezra pressed it and waited for the relief he hoped would come.

“It hurts,” he said again.

“I know,” Kanan said.  “But you can rest now.  It’s okay.  And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Ezra’s head began to go fuzzy, like it was wrapped in thick, heavy cloth.  He tried to nod, but he was too tired to do it.  His vision blurred and a moment later, he realized it was because his eyes were closing.  He let them, clinging to Kanan’s presence in the Force as he fell back asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: medical stuff; attempted therapy/coercive mental health treatment

Ezra was sitting up in bed, finally able to do so for more than a few minutes at a time, reading a book on a datapad he had propped against his knees.  And for now, he was alone.  In the week and a half since Ezra had first woken up, Kanan had barely left his side, and when he did, Hera, Zeb, or Sabine would stay with him.  When Ezra had been spending most of his time asleep, he hadn’t minded, but now that he was awake for longer stretches of time, it was beginning to make him feel almost claustrophobic.  He’d finally cracked and told Kanan that it was okay to leave, that he _wanted_ to be alone for a while.

The irony was that now that he was alone, a strong part of Ezra just wanted to go back to sleep.

As if that thought had cued it, the door to the room slid open.  Ezra jumped slightly as someone entered the room, a Tholothian man that by now Ezra knew as Dr. Arrel, one of the two doctors who’d been in charge of his care since he’d been brought to the medcenter.

“Good morning,” the doctor said with a polite smile.

Ezra glanced at the chronometer on the opposite wall and realized it _was_ still morning.  He was just grateful he had some way of keeping track of time, even if he was stuck in a room without windows.  He’d been able to walk around the room a little bit, sometimes even without help, but he wasn’t ready to go outside yet.

“Morning,” Ezra said, a little too late, as Dr. Arrel switched on his datapad and noted whatever data he saw on the monitor Ezra was hooked up.

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Arrel asked.

“Better, I guess,” Ezra said with a shrug.  “I’m tired a lot.”

“That’s normal,” the doctor said.  “Even if you’re not doing much, healing from an injury like yours is hard work.”

Ezra nodded.  Both of the doctors and Kanan and Hera had all said the same thing already.  Even Sabine had started to once, only to cut herself off when she saw Ezra’s shoulders slump and realized he'd already gotten that speech before.

Ezra had expected -- and hoped, if he was being honest -- that that would be the end of the conversation.  Sometimes the doctors were only there for a few seconds, just to as a couple of questions and take down some data before they quickly left.  Ezra knew they had a lot of patients to take care of after the battle, and he’d hoped today would be one of those days when that kept the doctors busy, instead of focusing on him.

That hope was snuffed out as Dr. Arrel sat down on the chair beside Ezra’s bed.  Ezra switched off his datapad and kept his face carefully neutral.  If he was sitting down, that meant talking.  Ever since Ezra had been able to spend more than a few hours awake at a time, the doctors had begun asking him questions and sometimes observing him when he was with the other members of the crew.  They’d explained to him that they were assessing his memory, his cognitive functions, things that could have been damaged by his injury and the extended period of time he’d spent unconscious.  He knew why they did it.  He’d just hoped he could avoid it today.

“Nothing’s changed,” Ezra said.  “I’m not forgetting things, I’m only losing time when I sleep, I remember everyone I’m supposed to remember.”

He shrugged, wondering how many times they were going to have to check to be satisfied that the Force lightning hadn’t damaged his brain.  It had been painful and terrifying, but it hadn't lasted long enough to do that much damage.

“That’s not what I wanted to talk about,” Dr. Arrel said.  “I need to assess your psychological state.”

Ezra shook his head.

“Ezra --”

“Why?” Ezra asked.

“You just went through a traumatic event,” the doctor said, as if that was supposed to be an explanation.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Ezra said, pulling his knees closer to his chest and hugging his arms around them.

“Why don’t you tell me about that?” Dr. Arrel asked.

“ _No_ ,” Ezra said, shaking his head.  “I’m not doing this.  And if you try to make me talk, it won't work.”

Silence fell as it sank in for both of them what Ezra had just implied.  Ezra heard the quiet tapping of fingers against a screen and he knew the doctor was taking notes on what he’d said.  Apparently he was going to evaluate Ezra whether Ezra wanted it or not.

“You’re right,” Dr. Arrel said, “I can't make you talk.  We can try this again tomorrow if you want.”

Ezra shook his head, even though the way it was phrased didn’t sound much like an actual choice.

As the doctor stood up and left the room, Ezra let out a quiet sigh of relief.  He lay down on his side, facing the wall next to him, staring wide-eyed into that blank white void.  He should have been exhausted after what had just happened, but somehow he wasn’t tired anymore.  He just felt hollowed out, like something had been scraped away from him.  He didn’t understand it.  The doctor hadn't actually done a psych assessment.  Ezra hadn't answered any questions.  But somehow he still felt like a soaked rag after the water had been wrung out of it.

* * *

 

The next time he heard the door open, Ezra was still lying on his side, staring at the wall.  He hadn’t slept, but he’d barely moved for over an hour now, wrapped up in fear and sorrow and a sudden desperate wish to just go home already.

He knew it was Kanan who’d entered the room.  His master’s presence was so familiar, Ezra didn’t need to think to recognize it, just as Kanan didn’t need to think to recognize what Ezra was feeling.

“What’s wrong?” Kanan asked, bypassing the chair and sitting down on the edge of Ezra’s bed.

Ezra sighed, pulling his knees up toward his chest so he was curled in a loose ball on his side.

“Dr. Arrel,” Ezra muttered.  “He wanted to do some kind of psychological test on me.  I said no, but…”

“But what?” Kanan asked, a note of concern in his voice.

“He said we could try tomorrow,” Ezra said.  “It didn’t really sound like a choice, though.”

“I’m sorry,” Kanan said.  “If I’d known that was going to be today, I would’ve told you so you were more prepared.”

“You knew?” Ezra asked.

“I knew they wanted to do it,” Kanan said.  “And I should have told you.  But if today wasn’t good, you can try tomorrow.”

“No,” Ezra said.  “I don’t want to do it tomorrow.  I don’t want to do it at all.  I -- please don’t make me.”

His voice broke and he curled up even tighter, the only means he had of hiding himself.

“I won't,” Kanan said.  “No one’s going to make you do anything.  I promise.”

Ezra’s cheeks burned as he felt tears begin to slide across his face.  Kanan had _just_ said he wouldn’t make Ezra do anything, so _why_ was he crying now?

“It’s okay,” Kanan said, somehow knowing what was going on even though he couldn’t see it.  Ezra could sense his hesitation before he finally spoke again.  “Ezra, is it alright if I ask why you’re saying no?”

Ezra bit down on his lower lip, trying to steady himself so he could answer without his voice shaking and cracking.  So he could answer without sounding like he was crying, even though Kanan already knew that he was.

“I don’t want to go through it so they can tell me what I already know,” he said.  “I know what’s wrong with me.  I’m kriffed up in the head and I know it’s not going to change.  There’s no point.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Ezra,” Kanan said, putting a hand on Ezra’s shoulder.  “You’ve been hurt.  That’s not something wrong with you.  That’s something wrong with the person who did it.”

“Either way,” Ezra muttered, “I don’t want to go through it.”

“Then you don’t have to,” Kanan said, giving Ezra’s shoulder a comforting squeeze.  “Do you want me to talk to the doctors for you?”

“Please,” Ezra said, his voice breaking again.  He wanted to be able to do it himself, but he couldn’t.  He’d barely been able to explain it to Kanan, and he knew that on some level Kanan had already understood.  He didn’t think he’d be able to get anyone else to understand.  But Kanan might.

“I will,” Kanan said.  “Hera and I won't let them force you into anything.”

Ezra reached up and covered Kanan’s hand with his.  He wasn’t sure if it was the hand Kanan had lost more feeling in, but he held on tightly enough to make sure Kanan felt it.

“When can I go home?” Ezra asked.

“Soon,” Kanan said.  “I promise we’ll get you home soon.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: reference to coercive mental health treatment

“I can walk by myself,” Ezra said.

“I know,” Hera said.  “I’m just making sure you don’t fall.  I won't help unless you ask.”

Ezra took a breath before standing up, bracing his hand on the wall of the _Phantom_ as he took a slow step forward.

It had been two days since he’d refused Dr. Arrel’s psych evaluation, and on some level he’d been afraid that he wouldn’t be allowed to leave the medcenter without doing it.  But just hours ago, they’d finally told him he could go home.  Ezra was certain it had been Kanan and Hera's doing, and wondered what they'd said to make it happen, but he wasn't about to question it.  He'd been given painkillers, sleeping pills, and a list of symptoms he was supposed to watch for and come back if he experienced, and then he and Kanan had left the medcenter under the cover of darkness, through a back exit so no one who might recognize them would see them.

Ezra kept one hand on the wall as he moved, much slower than he usually did, to the hatch, carefully stepping onto the _Ghost_.  Something gripped tightly around his chest.  He was _home_.  When he’d surrendered to Thrawn, he’d held out some hope, but part of him had thought he would never see this place again.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of something rolling across the floor as Chopper wheeled up to him, chattering excitedly about how he’d missed tormenting Ezra.  Ezra smiled, glad that the droid was acting normal.

“Chopper,” Hera said, a warning in her voice.  “Be gentle.  He’s still hurt.”

Chopper let out a noise that sounded uncannily like a sigh before gently prodding Ezra’s leg with one of his manipulators, rather than smacking him hard in the shin.

“I missed you, too,” Ezra said, before muttering under his breath.  “Jackass.”

“How are you feeling?” Kanan asked as he stepped off of the _Phantom_ and walked up next to Ezra.

Ezra sighed.  He was getting sick of the answer he knew he was about to give.

“Tired,” he said.

“You should rest,” Kanan said.  “Remember what the doctors said.”

“I’m just getting tired of resting,” Ezra said.

Still, he knew Kanan was right.  He was so tired he was closed to shaking, and forcing himself to keep going wouldn’t do him any favors.  He’d been warned that he was going to be tired most of the time until he finished recuperating, and would likely still have fatigue after his injuries were fully healed.  For now, all he could really do about it was rest when he needed it.

Ezra sighed again and took a shaking step forward.  Without looking, he could feel Kanan standing close behind him, hovering like he expected Ezra to collapse at any second.

“I can do this,” Ezra said, not sure if he was saying it for Kanan’s benefit or his own.

He took another step, and another, moving slowly and keeping his hand on the wall as he made his way to his cabin.  When he opened the door, Zeb looked up from where he was seated on the lower bunk.

“And here I was hoping to have the room to myself for a couple more weeks,” Zeb said with a grin.

“Sorry the coma didn’t last longer,” Ezra said, smiling to make sure Zeb knew he’d gotten the joke.

Ezra took another deep breath, staring up at his bunk as he readied himself to try to climb onto it.

“Need help?” Zeb asked.

Ezra took a moment to stare at the ladder, sizing it up.  He reached out, grabbing hold of one of the higher rungs before he gingerly put his foot down on the one lowest to the ground.  He shook just slightly as he began to pull himself up, only to slump back down again.

“Yes,” he said.

“Here,” Zeb said, not a hint of judgement or mockery in his voice.  He stood and carefully put his arms around Ezra’s waist and boosted him up.  Ezra braced his hands on the top rung of the ladder, using it to push himself up so he could climb onto his bunk.

“Thanks,” he said.

“It’s good to have you back, kid,” Zeb said.  “Even if you’re still going to be asleep all day.”

Ezra didn’t have a decent retort prepared and he was too tired to come up with one.  He settled for pointedly turning away from Zeb and lying down on his side, pulling the blanket up over him.  He closed his eyes, listening to the familiar sounds of the ship, of _home_ , and thought that finally, after weeks of doing almost nothing but sleeping, he was going to be able to rest.


End file.
